God knows exactly what we need, sometimes even before we know it ourselves. I can honestly say that 2019 has been a year full of growth and healing for me and it is all wrapped up in this sweet little bundle, Wesley Thomas.
In order to explain where I’m coming from with my journey of healing and moving forward, I must first back up to 2016 and even 2015 for some of it…
While this isn’t your “typical” birth story, it is my story and it incorporates some of my lowest lows and also my mountain top high…
In 2015 my daughter Nova was born. What I intended to be an unmedicated birth turned into a c-section due to the “traditional” medical field, fear tactics, and lack of re-education on my own part as I was newer in my journey with incorporating the more holistic side of wellness.
Without going into detail on that birth, I can tell you that negative experience left me doubting my body’s abilities, feeling nervous about breastfeeding, and wondering why my body “failed” me the first time around. That entire birth experience left me in a not so confident spot…I continued as a new mother in doing my best while knowing there had to be a better way…a more natural way - the way God designed it to be……
In October of 2016 I lost my only brother in a motorcycle accident and to put it simply, walking through grief has been a process. If you’ve lost a loved one then you know that there are many stages to process the absence of someone all of a sudden…I have been working through many emotions and focusing on the positive while embracing this new “norm” without Zach since then.
To jump forward and continue with this story, at the end of 2018 I said a prayer and asked God to help me move forward in my healing journey with something I felt I was “hung up” on……while healing and working THROUGH the grieving process I knew I did not want to become “stuck” but rather work through it all and face the many stages knowing God would walk with me through it all. If you ask my husband Jake, he would tell you that the “dates” were an issue for me. I had come to grip that he was gone and that being apart from him was temporary, but his birthday and the day he died were super low days for me. I asked God as one of my new year’s resolutions for 2019 to walk with me through facing the “dates”…..I was ready to move forward in my healing.
At the end of 2018 long story short, God changed my husband’s and my heart from having only one child and trying for another. I was even awoken audibly hearing from God and then heard Nova talking on the baby monitor about babies to God. It is insane the closer I get in my relationship to God, the more He speaks to me and the more I feel His presence in every situation. We fasted and prayed as a couple and felt deep confirmation we would start trying for baby #2 in 2019.
So this is where the story takes a neat turn in confirmation of God’s incredible presence and answering prayers!
In February of 2019 we found out we were pregnant! It all hit me like a ton of bricks after taking multiple pregnancy tests and calculating my due date/ first day of pregnancy…….when I went to my 8 week pregnancy confirmation appointment they also confirmed the amazing work of God in my life.
Day 1 of my pregnancy was January 2nd - my brother’s birthday. My due date was October 9th - the day Zach died. THAT is NOT coincidence, but rather my God replacing something so negative with new life and the promise of restoration in my life! He has walked with me through the entire pregnancy confirming His greatness even in the small things!
I made it my goal to approach this pregnancy in the most natural way, and keep it the way God intended it to be. It was my own personal challenge to myself! For example: I made it my goal to avoid all OTC medications, but rather replace those options with homeopathic alternatives, herbs, tinctures, food as medicine, teas, etc. I wanted to put my body to the test and put my faith in God to see how what was possible with how He created me!
During my pregnancy I focused on healthy, strong, and happy. Something HUGE I knew would effect my delivery was my mindset and who I had by my side support wise.
I DID NOT want to repeat last time’s experience so that meant NOT repeating the route I took previously. This time around I chose to go through the Birthing Center at Mercy and invest in a Midwife, but also hire a doula to be by our side during my labor. I can honestly say that even my monthly/weekly checks at the birthing center were more focused on health and I really appreciated their approach in a more natural way of prenatal care. I felt overwhelmed in choosing a doula and was so happy when the birthing center hosted a “meet the doulas” evening because it was that night we met Rebecca and instantly hit it off. We hired her as our doula and I felt confident that she would help my “odds” of the birth I wanted this second time around.
Let’s talk about a scary word that had so much pressure wrapped around it for me…..
”VBAC”
That is what the title was I was going for this time around as I was allowed to “try” a vaginal delivery after c-section and in my mind there was no “trying” but rather DOING it this time around. Months before my delivery I worked through A LOT mentally. Fears crept in from my first time around…..doubts and worries popped into my mind and I had to replace them with positive affirmations and continued asking God to help transform my mind and keep my thoughts focused on thoughts from above.
It was in those few months that I really pressed into God’s word with who He says He is and who He says I am. I found my confidence growing. My meet ups with my doula helped in preparation for my approaching labor. I focused on everything I could possibly do to stack the odds in my favor for a positive birth experience. (chiropractor visits to keep everything in alignment, certain foods to combat inflammation, miles circuit to help position baby in the best way possible, herbs to tone my uterus, supplements to give my body all it needed to stay well, habits to build my immune system, food to fuel my body and feed my baby for the best development possible, etc!) I LOVED knowing that I was incorporating everything that God created for my benefit and avoiding conventional options in my own “experiment” to see what the outcome would be! (Can you tell I like a challenge? Hahahaha) I also knew that by NOT going the OBGYN route and opting for a Midwife and Doula they would be on the same page as me when it came to wanting an unmedicated and natural birth! Side note: WATCH “The business of being born” documentary! It is an incredible eye-opener!
God really showed himself to me A LOT throughout this pregnancy! For example, on March 14th He gave me a song I named “Wesley” and it is all about my son and how God paved a way for him to be here, how God has watched over him all along, and how he will change the world one day……We did not “find out” we were having a boy until May 23rd (even though I already knew it was a boy through that song!)
Then this is really crazy to me: In July in all places, we were at Top Golf with friends and when it was my turn God showed me an analogy of me hitting the ball and it going in without any of my own effort……Then I hit it. It landed in a horrible place, yet rolled past ALL the golf balls on the ground and went in…..like there was no feasible way I thought it would go in……then God spoke to my heart……in regards to my VBAC wishes it is like He told me, all I have to do is show up, do my part, and trust Him and it would work out……and God gave me the date the 27th. I did not think much of it, yet put it in my phone calendar because it was of importance to me in how God spoke to me in that moment.
Fast forward to the end of September and I started having horrible contractions EVERY night starting on the 25th - about every 30 minutes and lasted from about dinner time, all through the night and would go away around lunch time the next day…..that happened again on the 26th - contractions about every 15/20 minutes and lasting until the next afternoon……
Then they happened again into the 27th more frequently and even more intense, which at that point I was so tired from no sleep the past two nights and now that night. My water broke around 3 in the morning and I continued to work through contractions at home and called the Midwife who then asked if I was feeling “pushy” to which my response was I have no idea - I didn’t get to push last time….hahahaha….when she heard I lived about an hour away she said yea -you need to head this way! hahahaha.
I let my doula know as Jake put our bags into the Jeep and off we went as soon as Tammy arrived! (I also texted my lady for placenta encapsulation - yes you read that correctly - to let her know it would be soon we’d have something for her to pickup from the hospital! The benefits are incredible as I incorporated that with Nova’s birth and I knew I’d do that again this time around!) Contractions on the way there were NOT fun…but we made it! I walked in as we were assigned a room and there we labored ALL DAY on that Friday.
I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of relief I felt this time around with this type of support on my side. The midwives present, my doula, the nurse we got, and most importantly Jacob by my side made my laboring as wonderful and bearable as possible!
There were many uncomfortable moments, such as when they had to reposition Wesley some as I dilated….(those positions I held were rather interesting to say the least) but what a wonderful thing to be able to REPOSITION rather than jump to c-section……Transition and then pushing were CRAZY intense and yet it was also AMAZING how God created my body to be flooded with natural oxytocin when I relaxed into the pain and allowed my body to do its thing!
God gave me the verse Isaiah 26:3 out of nowhere a few weeks before delivery and it was something I focused deeply on during my labor. (I had looked into hypo birthing while pregnant and decided that instead of going that route, I focused on this verse and on God instead)
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you. Because he trusts in you.”
Something else that really helped me focus and relax into all of the sensations I was experiencing was a song God gave me on piano a few weeks prior to labor as well and I recorded it on my phone…….I had everyone in the room play it on repeat and it was also the song Wesley was born to. God speaks to me through music many times and that was such a neat experience to have that song playing in the back ground while focusing on the Bible verse God gave me. It was wonderful having Rebecca there as our doula because she was able to help me through my contractions and even offer Jake suggestions to help keep me comfortable naturally. Her knowledge throughout labor was greatly appreciated! Jake was able to be truly present and available to focus on my needs with her there.
The closeness I felt to Jake during this experience was unlike any other. Unlike our experience with Nova’s birth, there was MUCH less stress, less rushing, less worries and MUCH MORE focus, a sense of calm, working with my body and being patient while everything went the way it was supposed to naturally.
After laboring all day, I am EXTREMELY EXCITED to say I had an unmedicated VBAC and little Wesley was born into this world the way I had desired! It was a mountain top experience! Everything about this pregnancy and birth has been so incredibly healing to me! I have seen God’s presence throughout it all!
After he was born and I had time to think about the date and time and those types of details……It came back to me that God had given me a date for his birth but I didn’t remember which day I had written in my phone’s calendar. I checked my phone and ya know what day was marked saying “Wesley”??? September 27th, 2019! The very day he was born! There has been such confirmation in God’s healing presence throughout this entire journey!
Every birth story is different. We all come from different backgrounds and each have a unique and important story to tell. The lows make the highs seem even higher. We are all healing from something. The key in how we heal is what or rather WHO we look to and find our strength, comfort, joy, and confidence.
Romans 8:37 says: “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
The past almost two weeks have been a blur for me. A whirlwind of doctors appointments, adjusting to what this new chapter looks like as a mom of two children, and realizing that I’ve gotten 12 “bonus days” with my new little man has me feeling blessed.
October 9th this year is bittersweet for me. While it is still a sad date for me marking three years since the passing of my brother, it also has been replaced with new life and the promise of my sweet son’s arrival. God has shown me over and over again that He will always walk with me though every season I grow through.
I used to say that God would never give me more than I could handle……but in examples such as losing my brother or experiencing an unmedicated birth, those were instances where I could not handle it on my own……and THAT is where God comes in with His incredible strength. I do not have to handle it on my own. He never asked me or expected me to walk alone in the first place. I am SO very thankful I serve a God who is bigger than anything I will ever face and better yet, will allow everything - and I mean EVERYTHING to work together for GOOD in my life. (Even if I don’t see it at the moment.)
Romans 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
Perhaps I experienced a C-Section the 1st time around so that I now have more knowledge in helping other women make different decisions during their pregnancies and labors. Perhaps the very things I view as “failures” can encourage and allow growth in other people’s lives. I don’t understand the “whys” behind why some things happen, but you can bet that I’m going to take the lows and losses in my life and use them to encourage others, to bless someone else who may be struggling with loss or with lack of confidence due to their body “failing them” like I thought mine had. A big goal of mine is to encourage others by living a transparent life and keeping it real because we ALL fall short, we ALL have areas in which we are healing, and we ALL need ENCOURAGEMENT and Jesus in our lives. Without him we are simply broken as He is the only one who truly heals……..our creator knows what we need exactly when we need it!
I am incredibly blessed. My pregnancy which started in January of 2019 has lead me on such a healing and uplifting journey throughout this year! The people I have met are amazing! I highly recommend Mercy Birthing Center and would also suggest looking into a doula! (I loved having Rebecca by my side so that Jacob and I could focus as we needed to make this VBAC a success!) Midwives, Doulas, Placenta Encapsulators, those are my people! Hahahahahaha……..whole foods, herbs, supplements, essential oils, tinctures, etc….those are my jam in preparation for a natural birth!
For every manmade way of doing things, there is also a God-based alternative that sometimes even goes completely against the grain of what society deems as “normal”….not everyone “gets” me and I’m okay with that. Some think I’m off my rocker and some may disagree with my beliefs…..but in the end of the day I want to share my story and what worked for me because just maybe if you’re reading this you are also looking for a more natural way to experience your healthiest pregnancy and unmedicated birth!
I am so in love with little Wesley Thomas! The past 12 “bonus days” with him here have been a blessing and today as I celebrate his due day I am smiling because I now see God’s handiwork behind the scenes. He orchestrated everything beautifully this year and knew exactly what I needed in my healing journey and He also knew WHO we needed in our family!
Happy Due Day Wesley Thomas.
You are one special little boy and your mama loves you SO MUCH!
-Andrea
